To those who read this, I want everyone to realize I love and take my job extremely seriously, and would never do anything to jeopardize or ridicule anyone, or expose anyone’s personal information; but there are times that I have to just shake my head…….
We entered the nursing home room and the nurse stated that she was doing CPR but she was not getting much chest recoil…… the patient was stiff as a board
The EMT stood next to the patient who was sitting on the couch leaning to his side with the patient’s hand in his own. The EMT stated he believed the patient was having a stroke because his other arm was hanging down to his side and he had a facial droop to the side of his face he was leaning towards. I turned to the EMT and said…… “I think he is dead”. We worked him successfully and got him back…..
We entered the nursing home and looked at the patient. He must have died in a fetal position and was found in that shape several hours later. The nurses had rolled him on his back, still folded in the fetal position, and were wondering how to do CPR as they couldn’t get to his chest. We pronounced the poor fellow…..
We got dispatched for the “mouse in butt”, I’m still wondering what we were supposed to do for them…….
Similarly, we were dispatched for two other calls. One was “pain in the dick” and the other “super-sized penis”, once again……. there’s just so much I can do
We were dispatched for the 5-year-old panic attack…. seriously? Unfortunately to say, he actually got transported by BLS….
We arrived on the scene to find multiple patients in multiple ambulances from this highway MVA MCI. We established which pt was ALS and jumped into that ambulance. Given that the patient had been on the scene for some time already, we handed the EMT our keys and asked that they drive us and our ambulance to the trauma center and that we’d do everything en route. After approximately eight minutes of driving the ambulance stopped and the EMT jumped out. I knew we hadn’t reached the trauma center yet given the short transport time so I was curious as to where we were. Had he needed to go back to the scene for some reason? Was there a problem with the ambulance? The EMT came to the ambulance door and we questioned him about our whereabouts. He said he was at his house. His house?! What were we doing at his house?! We have a trauma patient who needs to get to the hospital! He said the ambulance didn’t have a GPS and he didn’t have a cell phone and didn’t know how to get to the trauma center…. (you can’t make this stuff up!)
This morning we were dispatched for the “Unconscious and also diabetic”. The notes read “patient breathing but not responding”. We were hopeful that it would be a quick sugar and RMA since it was at the end of our shift. We entered the nursing home room as the nursing staff was obtaining a blood glucose level. She turned to us and said “it’s 24”. Ok, I can fix that. The first responder fireman who was assessing prior to my arrival turned to me and stated “the patient’s got a pulse but he’s breathing very shallow, should I start bagging him?” I said “yes please” as I went to grab my own glucometer to verify the BGL. I nonchalantly asked if the patient was on any pain medications\opioids to suppress his respiratory drive, they responded “no”. As the fireman grabbed his BVM and I went to grab the patient’s hand to check his sugar I felt that the patient’s was rather cold, and awfully stiff. I rolled my eyes and checked for a pulse. There wasn’t one. I shook my head and checked his jaw only to find rigor mortis……..